The things I forgot to say.

Naturally, in most crits we don't get to say exactly what our work is about. Being put on the spot makes it hard to express ideas in a linear matter. I felt that I didn't get to say everything I wanted so I'm going to type it out now. Hopefully you'll read it and get a better understanding of what this project was about.

My coming out party, obviously there are various ways to take this. For me it was primarily about letting go of a way of thinking. My body has been the biggest source of anxiety in my life for as long as I can remember. I still cringe when I see myself in the mirror. I go to painful efforts to disguise my odd shape. There are days when I still can't think straight because of it. In my first few years of being at university I became completely consumed by this. It took a huge toll on all aspects of my life. It has taken years for me to get to the point where I feel comfortable enough to live a relatively normal life. I can safely say now, that I don't let these ideas consume me anymore. Having strangers see me naked is a huge step forward. Exposing my body for what it is. There were years where I was so tiny I couldn't go outside, my body just couldn't handle the winter. I expended so much energy trying to stay warm and trying to stay thin. There isn't a lot I can remember from these years other than this obsession. I feel like all my experiences from this time were clouded with the feeling of hunger and the cold. This is why it was so important for me to also be outside. I wanted to feel the cold air on my skin. It is something that I couldn't do for years. I would cry on walks home because I just couldn't handle it. Being able to do the walk was something very special for me. Something that I had to work to be able to do.