Thoughts on the final.

Whenever I walk around town I find it difficult to get out of my own head.

I spend time thinking about my clothes, who is looking at me and scrutinizing my reflection in store windows. Why can't I be here. In the now. It feels impossible.

Scrutinizing my body is something that I have always done. I find it hard to escape. I look at me, look at other girls. I want to expose my body. I want to walk and not be concerned about who is looking and what I am wearing. I want to be a part of what is around me. Escape the constant anxiety.

I want to use this body for something. I want to be seen. I want my imperfections to be on display. I want to feel the cold against my skin. I want to be uncomfortable.

I hate the cold. I find it nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning. If I could I would hibernate all winter. I hate the snow. I hate the wind. I hate having to wear jeans that never fit right.

It is for these reasons that I will force myself to step outside wearing nothing and just feel the cold. Feel the wind against my skin. Feel free from those awful winter clothes that make it hard to move around. I know it will be hard on my body. I think that's just what I need.

I hope it doesn't hurt too much.