Keeping a steady Christmas buzz on

"You have broken my heart."

My entire life summed up in an article.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-will-always-care-too-much/

A year ago
I sat in the floor
with a glass of boxed white
snipped them off
One by one

Letting go of the girl
who bent over in that bathroom stall
too scared to say no

who let him move across the country
who always pretended she liked it.

Winter came.
So did I.
Over an over.
Your cold hands peeling off my shirt
Kissing my neck

"You are so beautiful".

Did we make amends?
Or did I finally forget?

Did we fall out of love?

I think you just fell in
with her.

No more cold air in my face
No more stumbles and forced piggy backs.
No more drunken phone calls at nine am
No more begging me to come over when I planned on spending the night with her.

You moved house
So did I

You're finally within walking distance.

Thanksgiving weekend
two years since I should have turned back
let you go
before it got too cold
to leave your attic bedroom.

I'm putting back on

every pound I lost.


I stopped taking the pills

to know how it feels.


You made promises
you made me think
made me laugh
made me stop looking

made me spend my whole night waiting to know what happened.

I looked past the tv screen
out the front window
waiting for you to come home

from your second date.